day 5

Do you want me to be completely honest? My internship was a bust, to make a long story short. It wasn’t all it was cracked up to be whatsoever. I showed up highly caffeinated and ready to go in my new pantsuit 15 minutes early just for them to forget that I was even coming in…and then I proceeded to get “training” from a Journalism intern who had a whopping one extra day of experience there than I did. She expressed that she was also frustrated with the lack of professionalism, organization, and most importantly, the lack of actual JOURNALISM that was taking place in this sad excuse for an establishment. So I’m 99.9999% sure that I am still on the hunt for an internship that I can actually learn something from. Real World – 1, Lauren – 0.

Did I walk out defeated and upset? “Why me? Why can’t I just get a good internship like everybody else…why is the Lord testing me, whyyy?!” Surprisingly enough, hell no. I laughed about it and realized that I will never, ever, ever in a million years end up working for a company that hires any bozo with a 5th grade reading level. A light bulb went off in my head. For the past three years of my college career, I have put the absolute wrong things on the top of my priority list. I started wondering how I ever could’ve wasted so much time on the things that only held me back. There is a world out there where people can’t find good jobs because they never lived up to their full potential and lived in the moment instead of thinking about the long-term and now they’re stuck in their shitty pantsuits at a job they found on Craigslist because they need to put Ramen on the table. I went home, made even more coffee (my new and slightly more productive addiction) and studied for hours while everyone else was taking mixed shots of Gatorade and well vodka at happy hour.

I can sense myself changing already because old Lauren would take a failure for what it was and feel sorry for herself and curse her bad luck. New Lauren looks at a failure as a bump in the road that helped her have an epiphany about how she wants to live her life. Any time that a thought popped into my head about a boy today, I quickly dismissed it and told myself to get it together, sister. How does anybody worry about significant other problems when they have an empire to build? Jokes aside, I vowed to myself today that I will never let somebody who doesn’t lift me up in a positive way return into my life. If they didn’t appreciate you during all that time when you would’ve delivered the world to them on a silver platter, then what makes them worthy of your time when they get bored and decide to come back? Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” And I’m done being insane.

My new motto is “lay low and grind”. You’re not going to catch me doing much else other than studying, making money, blogging, and working out. It truly dawned on me that I don’t have time to focus on anything other than that. I don’t live in a fantasy bubble anymore where my biggest concern is if someone is texting me back or not or what I should wear to Pub. Something else I’ve realized is that when you look at yourself and your own problems and decide to make a change, it makes the people around you look at themselves too. And a lot of people will be uncomfortable with that. They’ll try to convince you that you’re fine because they want to convince themselves that they’re fine. But you have to stay on your own path and know what’s right for you, even if other people aren’t on the same page.

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