day (i lost track)

Somehow, I went from somebody who lived for the weekend and slid by just to achieve the bare minimum to somebody who is in a constant state of stress and can’t think about anything other than school and getting out of college and being successful. I can’t really tell which version of myself I like…

day 9

About exactly a year ago, I thought my life was perfect. I had just put an end to my first long-term relationship that should’ve been over the second it started. It was forced and something that I didn’t want but something that I kept holding onto for about two and a half years because I…

day 7

I used to be genuinely proud of myself if I went two or three days in a row without drinking, so not drinking for a week feels like somewhat of a small accomplishment for me. Here’s what I learned: Feeling hurt and hopeless and lost is a really good starting point if you want to…

day 6

I don’t know if this is just the nature of the beast when it comes to quitting drinking but I’ve felt drastically different every day. Some days I feel hopeful about it, some days I feel depressed, some days I feel like nothing can stop me, and the emotion of the day today is just…

day 5

Do you want me to be completely honest? My internship was a bust, to make a long story short. It wasn’t all it was cracked up to be whatsoever. I showed up highly caffeinated and ready to go in my new pantsuit 15 minutes early just for them to forget that I was even coming…

day 4

Earlier today, I started writing a post for my blog and I was pretty proud of it at the time. It was positive and uplifting and really optimistic. I was going to finish and publish it when I got back from class. But after I got back and re-read it, I thought it sounded like…

day 3

Every person who has reached out to me individually since I started this blog has praised me for being so brave and open about what I’m going through. But what really makes it brave that I’m writing about my problems? Is it because we’re so used to only seeing everybody’s “highlight reel” but none of…

day 2

I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought of was a text I recently received. It stated that despite how sometimes I seemed like somebody who was attractive, cool, and somebody that they wanted to be with, that my drinking habits are what caused them┬áto see me in a whole different light….

day 1

Today is the day that I’ve decided that I’m done living in a daze. I’m done blurring my days and nights together, abusing alcohol to forget about my problems. I’m done looking in the mirror and seeing tired, red eyes. I’m done not recognizing myself. Who is this person? I thought she was smart, and…